We've all seen ads from eHarmony and Match.com...
eHarmony calls itself the #1 site in "trusted relationships." Its television ads are full of success stories and, according to their statistics, 90 people on average get married from eHarmony every day.
Match.com takes another approach. According to their site they are the "World's Largest Online Dating Personal service" and they enjoy knocking eHarmony in their television ads. They also have a success page but don't share specific statistics.
Looking for love online is one way to try to find that special someone but there are many things to know before and during this journey to keep you safe and to make this a better experience for you.
Pros and Cons
First, let's look at the pros and cons of online dating!
PROS- You can meet a wider range of people from across the globe online. These people will range in age, ethnic groups, religions, etc.
- No initial prep is required. You don't have to get all dressed up to sit in front of your computer to look, chat and email other people.
- Personality is a much stronger factor online, initially. If you are smart and funny but not perfect physically you can still find at least initial interest online.
- You can go slower online and take the relationship further based on your own speed.
- It is less expensive
- It is safer
- It is a resource available 24x7, 365 days a year.
- Lack of photos of people from the start. Men especially want photos. Without them people can exaggerate the truth or lie.
- Does the site you want to use have a large membership? If not, or if their members are not active will mean that your search will be more difficult.
- If you meet people from other areas you'll need to think about travelling or relocating.
Safety
Let's look at safety online. This is very important, especially online where individual behaviors often change dramatically.
With online dating, and social networking, the first thing you do is create a profile. How you do this is very important, especially in the scope of your safety.
NEVER provide personally identifiable information in your profile, emails or chats. This includes your name, address, city where you live, phone numbers, where you work, organizations you belong to, schools you attend, etc.
BEFORE creating your first profile, however, create an anonymous e-mail account that you can use in your search. There are a lot of free emails available (e.g., Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, etc.).
When creating your username don't use your name, even hidden. Your name and age: Cindy Lou Who, 19
| Don't use... | Better but not great.../and why |
| clwho19 | cardshark0123 (does this mean you gamble? |
| cindylou19 | kentuckygirl123 (do you live here?) |
| beawho19 | butterknife123 (knife?) |
| clw19 | badboy123 (suggestive) |
| cindywho_ky_19 | nakedpaul (suggestive) |
| Best (Random): | These have no real meaning to most and are random enough for online dating sites, emails and chats. |
| amid_everything | |
| a1chemy | |
| jabs_on | |
| naiis | |
| nakopi | |
| nana_mel |
Online Sites
Now you are ready to shop for an online dating site. There are many...most charge a small monthly fee. You should shop around and research them until you find the one you want to try first.
NOTE: Some sites have free trial periods but often this means that not all services are available. It is a good way to check them out, however.
According to eDateReview.com the top "General Dating" sites are:
- Yahoo! Personals
- Date.com
- eHarmony
- Match.com
The top "Gay Personals" site is Gay.Date.com
And the top "Free" site is social networking site: Friendster.com.
Creating a Profile
Once you create a profile you should download a chat/instant messenger client. The most popular are (and can use email login if you have email through these companies): MSN Messenger, Yahoo!, and Google Talk.
Creating Your Profile: Tips for Girls- Don't list the traits of your "perfect guy." These tend to scare off most people because who is "perfect?" Just list one or two of the traits you regard as most important.
- Use a nice clear picture. Look your best. Be positive and smile!
- Keep the information in the "about me" section between 200-500 characters, like what you'd find for most men.
- Don't list all hobbies, especially those that might turn a guy off. Don't lie, just don't disclose "I collect Barbie's! I have 600!" Something more male-friendly like "I would like to try rappelling." Only say it if it's true, however.
- Don't negative talk exes!
- Don't use flowery language that sounds like it jumped out of a romance novel. Hold off on the "L-O-V-E" talk!
- Don't use a suggestive username like "Sexydude4allnite" or "hangoverboy07." All girls will see are negative things so choose something random like discussed earlier.
- Don't pose your resume. Your occupation may be of interest but not everything you've ever done in your career.
- Don't sound so picky you scare away matches! Men can also be too picky, especially when saying something like "I love'em 36/24/36, tall and blonde!" It's ok to click on what you like but if you add a few years or pounds, for example, you might get better results.
- Don't negative talk exes!
- Put something in the "about me" section...200-500 words, preferably 500.
- Don't put suggestive photos. Again, put something of you looking your best and smiling.
NOTE: Some sites may have help pages to assist you in creating your profile. They are ok to use but remember, don't make yourself sound generic either.
Some Final Fules
OK. Your profile is online and you are getting hits. There are just a few more rules to go buy:
- Don't let anyone pressure you into meeting in real life, giving out personal information, or do anything you don't want to do.
- Establish an online friendship first!! Be sure it is based on truth and not lies. It is sooooo easy to be untrustworthy online so it's best to really get to know someone before taking the relationship into real life.
- If the perosn doesn't have a profile picture ask for 2-3 current ones so it would be more difficult for them to lie to you. This doesn't mean you're just intersted in looks--you just want a face to put with the profile and know who you'd look for should you ever meet.
- If you decide to speak on the telephone, use your cell phone.
- Once you decide to meet in real live: (a) Meet in a public place in the daytime; (b) go with a friend; and (c) give a friend or family member the other person's contact information just in case and a time when you'll contact them to let them know you're ok.
